My Bisexuality is just NONE of YOUR CONCERN!" 
My Rule: "Need to Know!"

The Bi MEN NETWORK has grown from just 100 lonely brave bi guys in February of 1999 to now over 250,000 bisexual and bi-curious men and many gay friends and bi couples with us here worldwide. By June of 1999 we had grown like wild Western brush FIRES to over 5,000 men in just months. NOW in our 7th year we have over 1/4 million adult male members on all six continents.

In the early days - in 1999  around about Father's Day--with my new excitement and enthusiasm--I warmly embraced the Bi  MEN NETWORK  as a "calling" and took it on full time with the support of many bi men members who generously joined and funded us as lifetime members and with a series of grants from the AI.B. (now Bi Foundation) a tax-exempt 501C3 charitable organization.

At that time I did start to openly announce and even proclaim my own bisexuality and my new "calling" to close friends, family members and colleagues at my local church where I worked with the homeless. To this day - years later - I never cease to both be amazed and amused how "straight" folks and even gays and Lesbians start to actually shiver/shudder/shake in their seats after letting this "cat out of the bag!" Likely it was INEVITABLE that I would share this news since I had chosen to take this on full time.  At the time it made sense - now many years later - I FIRMLY BELIEVE that for most of our 1/4 million bisexual and bi-curious guys  here:

OUR BISEXUALITY/YOUR BISEXUALITY is a very personal, private matter!

I had alienated my immediate family and many friends. While some have come through like SAINTS - by and far all it does is make many others VERY UNCOMFORTABLE and rather oddly even serves to alienate them.

THE ANTIPATHY and UNEASE of many gays, Lesbians, and heterosexuals with a fully-ANNOUNCED bisexual is amazing (that is an entire other essay) - but the minute it comes up - many otherwise enlightened and tolerant people start to obviously SQUIRM in their seats.

It may be that TODAY in the USA - at least I would project - that San Francisco, and West Hollywood, Ft. Lauderdale, and Manhattan - may well be the only four enlightened enclaves where one can comfortably proclaim oneself bisexual. AND with those four areas - I am NOT suggesting the entire METROPOLITAN areas - just those four enclaves of those major metro areas. In Canada it seems that Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver are also nicely bi-friendly metro areas.

I had high hopes now years ago at the turn of the new century and a brand new milleniumv MOST PEOPLE would be more open and accepting of our BISEXUALITY.  I no longer believe that is true - it may well take another decade or two if not even longer. Increasingly we must also face the problem and obstacle-course of "bisexual erasure". Increasingly many of both or gay and Lesbian "friends" and members of the heterosexual world DENY that bisexuals actually exist. Witness the late Summer "storm" of the NY TIMES feature that bi men are really gay men. "Bisexual erasure" promotes the myth that bisexuality is merely a bridge and not a destination. It also leads to the similarity of true bisexuals to mythical unicorns of old fables!.

So at this time I suggest that it is just GREAT that we have one another HERE and the relatively few other places receptive to bisexuals. That is why here at the Bi MEN NETWORK I am increasing a focus on finding TRUE bi-friendly venues and not just those that welcome the GREEN of our money - but friends who accept bisexuality as both a bridge for some and a lifelong destination for many.

No one can or should decide YOUR sexuality for you and we seek more and more true  friends worldwide who are truly bi-friendly and genuine friends to bi guys and to our Bi Men Network. We should and must all stick together - and I am delighted that we will be having our own FIFTH Bi MEN GETAWAY WEEKEND - and FIFTH Bi MEN CONFERENCE - for our members and friends worldwide in Las Vegas, NV USA. Do come join the fun - bisexual, bi-curious and gay men from around the world have joined us over the years for these one of a kind events. See our EVENTS page(s): www.bimen.org/events.htm

Spring 2006 promises to be even better than Spring 2005 which was a remarkable success. After many, many years in the trenches - I do now believe and suggest to all here that OUR BISEXUALITY is our own personal concern - it is our own private business - and not the concern of anyone else. IF and when you do choose to disclose this to another person - as a spouse, family member, old friend, or colleague - you should do so only after very serious review and consideration.

One must learn to accept that there is NO WAY to surely determine how such a revelation of bisexuality will be accepted and lived with in the immediate future. OFTEN over time it is ultimately a good decision and results in richer, deeper more meaningful relationships but that is NOT always the case. One must prepare for both the best case and worst case scenarios and all the infinite shades of gray between.

In my humble view - IT should be on a NEED to KNOW basis and this is my current belief system after many years of intense exposure to this grave subject and the results of ill-considered revelations of bisexuality to others.

FOR ME the "cat is out of the bag" and now I even take some joy and even relish in seeing others' reactions - but then I can more readily do this as the FOUNDER and full-time employee here at our Bi Men Network. Thankfully the ruptures with most of my family have healed but I have lost and alienated a few friends. Yet over time I have made many wonderful replacements here at our Bi Men Network and via our Bi Men Network. This is one major subject we discuss at our Bi Men events.

MANY, MANY married men here - want so very much to bring forth and reveal their bisexual status to their  wives, family members and loved ones. It is a repeated and good discussion topic here. But be sure to review this for some time and be sure that this is the best, and wiser course of action for you BOTH. Are you wanting to reveal this for the greater good of you both - are your reasons loving and giving? Will this be for the greater good of both of you and your family - especially any younger children living at home as well as your wife?

Be sure that you are not "fessing up" due to your own guilt and anxiety - seeking merely to set up a misery loves company scenario or some unhealthy, unloving attempt to hurt or injure your wife. Whatever you may decide it is YOUR OWN VERY PERSONAL DECISION TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL. You must take full responsibility for telling and the aftermath of telling. Be prepared for the good, the bad, and the ugly that may well be the immediate results.

BUT as said after my own sad experiences and many "war stories" I have heard for years now  - I  believe it is a PRIVATE CONCERN. It seems we are like the very early CHRISTIANS in the Roman Empire - needing to stick together and draw  depictions of FISH  in the SAND to know  who you can talk with freely and openly and who you can trust to be discreet.

We must learn to love and accept US - ourselves - and that is another great facet of our Bi MEN  NETWORK and our Bi MEN FORUM discussion group. Our motto over the years - from the get-go - has been and is: "YOU ARE NOT ALONE!" and now with over 250,000 of us worldwide and a great  program of coming bi men events that is now very much true.

My last year of law school at the University of California's Hastings College of Law in San Francisco we were allowed three visits that year to a volunteer psychiatrist at UC MEDICAL CENTER. That last year I was troubled by my sexuality and going into the real world in a legal career where I knew you could not be open about it (especially outside San Francisco as I had clerked for a very conservative, Blue Chip Baltimore old-line law firm).

My draw was a delightful older lady, a Hungarian refugee from the 1956 anti- Communist Hungarian Revolt, who was now into two decades as a psychiatrist in lively over-sexed San Francisco.  Each visit she would urge me on in a deep accent - made me think of FREUD - only two more visits - only one more visit (i.e."Cough it up fast!").

At our last session - she went on to say: "Mr. McCloud - they have a coffee room at Hastings Law School --- NO???? You have coffee daily with your legal colleagues there --- NO?????? You are at the table - and you are so very concerned about YOUR Sexuality! NO???????

BUT after two decades here in San Francisco - one of the major sexual capitals of the world - I can assure you: ONE MAN at that table - is happily married - but when his wife is away likes to try on her clothes and masturbate. SHE often wonders how and why her clothes are all stretched out - but says nothing - just buying more new things. DOES this man feel compelled to share over coffee these sexual needs and his desires?????? BUT -- NO!!!!

ANOTHER MAN at that table is also happily married - but can only get erect and perform for his wife as they say "DOG STYLE" - and he speaks to her quite nastily while doing so. Does he feel compelled to speak of this openly or does she?????  BUT --- NO!!!

THE THIRD MAN - will be a lifelong bachelor - with a large collection of soiled women's panties - taken from his previous female conquests - he likes to smell them - remember the conquests - and masturbate.  Does he share this with you men there?  NO!!!

AND YOU - you in San Francisco - a little missionary position with both sexes and lots of French Active and Passive with mainly one sex -- you are NOTHING more than a mere garden-variety BISEXUAL - nothing more - nothing less - and your TALE also is not for discussion over coffee at the Hastings Coffee Room. These things are merely personal and quite intimate and are of no one's concern but your own. GO and do not worry so much about such things!"

FINIS.

NEED TO KNOW THAT IS THE ANSWER AS A GENERAL RULE OF THUMB! SO I do conclude our BISEXUALITY is no one else's business or concern and is best kept to OURSELVES! 

A  GENERAL RULE OF THUMB = "NEED TO KNOW - ONLY!" So Bi Men Members and friends - what do you guys think?

Please send your comments and your feedback to our Bi MEN FORUM Group - if not with that Group - join us it at: www.bimen.org - free! THIS IS JUST the TYPE of "STUFF" we share and will discuss at our 5th Bi MEN GETAWAY WEEKEND and 5th Bi MEN CONFERENCE in Las Vegas and hope you can and will join us there. ALSO help us each day to make bisexuality a destination and not just a bridge and help prove over time that BISEXUALS are NOT UNICORNS - that we do truly exist and in fact thrive on this planet!

My Sincere Best Wishes & Big Hugs!

Stewart (Mac) McCloud
Founder-Moderator-President
Bi MEN NETWORK - www.bimen.org
NOW over 250,000 guys with us today!!

To join our Bi MEN FORUM topical discussion group free - go to:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BiMenForum

Bi MEN NETWORK = www.bimen.org = Bi & GAY MEN NETWORK

"You are NOT alone!"

Mac NEEDS you to join as a valued LIFETIMER!

www.bimen.org/contributionpage.htm = A Pass to VEGAS!

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Other bi-themed essays and articles which may be of interest to you:

Sean and Jennifer Discuss Some of the Issues of Bisexuality in Marriage

Bidentity

Return to "Wednesday's Child" Directory

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