bi and gay men symbolsThe Bi Men Network Presents
The A to Z of Meeting both on the NET
and at our BI-MEN Worldwide Network

bi and gay symbols

Hello there!

SO you want to meet someone hot and very special (or just someone HOT) on the Internet? WELL here are some tips. These apply whether you are looking for an afternoon tryst or a long-term, ongoing, special somebody.


  1. "A to Z" General Tips
  2. Guide To Hotel Cruising, or "What to do in a Strange City?"
  3. How to Make A Special Friend at the BI MEN NETWORK - A Guide for the
    Coming Year!

1. POINTERS "A to Z" for Hooking-UP!

A. Be PATIENT: It takes time & effort.
This is not picking up a street hustler or prostitute. It takes time and effort. Frankly, you get out of it what you put into it. If you send one liner emails - that is all you will get back - IF THAT. IF you are not self-revelatory along the path - you will not meet someone special. What goes around comes around. Plan on putting an hour a week (at least) into this PROJECT. Do not start on such a project when you are too busy to spend the needed time and effort on it. YOU will be rewarded for your efforts but it will take time. KEEP AT IT - on and on.

B. BE REALISTIC about your situation.
IF you live in a remote area - EVEN with the NET - there are few available folks for YOUR PLANS in North Dakota. IF you have lived in North Dakota for more than two weeks you KNOW THIS. If you live in LA LA LAND (Southern California) you KNOW there are lots of people there but also lots of fruits, nuts and flakes. SO deal with it. Be realistic. In ND you may meet a nice person but it may take a year. In LA you may meet a health NUT who is not a fruit or flake but you may have to go through many folks to find that one nut!

C. Join lots of GROUPS with your types!
Do not count on just one WEBSITE or one GROUP for your contacts. Make it part of your project to join as many lists and groups that have YOUR TYPE in them. Spread your nets far and wide - also use a variety of lures. Do not post the same old INTRODUCTION all the time. At least change the title from time to time. At least once a year add a year to your age! Check out for example the groups at: and - and others. Also try good places to post a Personal especially free personals or if you must reasonably priced personals ads.

D. Your INTRODUCTION - your lure!
Present yourself reasonably - but in the best light possible. Take time to finely craft your INTRODUCTION. Tell enough about yourself to get some interest but NOT a detailed resume. IF you need to be discreet - DO NOT give out enough info that your spouse or employer or such can figure out it is you! Fine-tune your INTRODUCTION all the time. Present a good picture of YOU - but be sure when they finally do meet you that it is YOU they meet. IF you present yourself as ROB LOWE and show up as WALTER MATTHAU it is NOT going to click for THEM or you!

When you have time to deal with emails and send prompt replies post weekly or every two weeks. IF you are busy - at least post once a month. Be SURE to put your LOCATION in the headline. Unless you FLY all over the earth - be specific. IF you do travel indicate where and that you ARE FROM North Dakota or wherever but travel to this place and that often enough for dates or a for a relationship. FINE-TUNE your INTRO again and again. Change the title a tad once and again. Be creative. Have fun.

F. YOUR REPLIES: Be prompt with INFO.
When you get one liners. TOSS THEM. When you get REAL replies try to reply as soon as possible. IF you do NOT have time - at least reply: "WOW! I am very interested - I am on a deadline - but will reply ASAP with detailed info. Thank you!" Answer ALL their questions if they were reasonable ones. IF you are interested ACT SO. If you are NOT into someone - just reply that you are dating a prospect now. OR if you wish ignore them - UP TO YOU. The important thing is do not let the GOOD ONES get away by your own INACTION or non-responsive replies. You get as good as you give.

IF it sounds too good to be true and you are panting at the first few replies - DO watch out. What is the gimmick here? Russian brides or husbands who need travel money and US entry and want to be US Citizens? They are selling Viagra or ??? It is Walter Matthau parading as Rob Lowe? They are in IRAQ in the military and will not be home for a year? IF you feel as giddy as a teenage girl every time you see an email from them then it is FANTASY ISLAND most likely. Figure out what is really going on here!

If you find yourself writing one hour long emails every time your hear from your hot NEW PROSPECT - then beware of your new penpal LOVER. This could and will go on for the rest of your lives and you may never meet the person. Many people - as a person in North Dakota or at sea in the military or such WANT PEN PALS - but in 2003 - who wants pen pals as they did eons ago? SO they must snag you into THEIR net! Likely you will never meet such pen pals in person much less have an affair!

I. Fill MY SCRAP BOOK with your pics!
Beware of folks who want ALL YOUR PICS - want your nude pics - want your beach or poolside pics. You get the PICTURE??? The picture is their Scrap Book is full of a zillion pics from the net. These folks are trolling or trawling the net with their nets for pics. AND GOD KNOWS where they may end up! Many have their own amateur pics websites where they MAKE MONEY. If it smells FISHY - it likely is fishy. Beware!

IF you have some odd, weird "vibes" or bad feelings about a situation or person - MOVE ON. Break it off. OR ask enough questions that move you through it. The BODY always KNOWS FIRST. If you have a bad feeling in your stomach about someone it is rare if ever that it is worth going further with such a "prospect".

K. FRICTION is Resistance to Harmony!
FRICTION with the other person is of course a bad sign. MOVE ON. But the other type of friction is just delays after delays - they are busy - you are busy - whatever. IF IT IS MEANT TO HAPPEN it will happen. A HARMONIOUS scene will unfold nicely in due course. If door after door slams shut - move on. Time you waste on a BAD PROSPECT is time that you do not have to find the RIGHT ONE for you.

Keep your guard up on your real identity for a LONG TIME. First names and your nicknames and handles only. Do not - of course - give out your full name, home or office phone numbers. Take time.

It is amazing how grown people can turn into giddy teenagers all alone by the telephone with one HOT prospect. Use caution and common sense or what I call "HORSE SENSE". Take your time and proceed cautiously and prudently.

N. ASK ALL QUESTIONS that matter!
IF it matters to YOU it is important. If you hate HAIRY EARS ask. IF YOU do not like uncircumcised guys - say so - or ask. Why waste days, weeks or months on some person who is NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA??? IF you have certain MUSTS or OUGHTS or what not - get it out of the way ---- EARLY! BUT also be aware that some things as body odor and personal hygiene are hard to address on the NET. Some things HAVE to wait for the MEETING.

O. TALK on the phone FINALLY!
Arrange FINALLY after many emails - and you know you WANT to talk to them and the time is right - and most all of your email questions have been answered SET UP A TIME TO TALK PRIVATELY for say 10-15-20 minutes. Arrange the call. Guard your identity - but be able to quietly talk with them with full privacy. WHEN you talk to them do so in quiet.

P. THE PHONE CALL - in full quiet!
Be sure you can HEAR EVERY WORD and really listen to their voice. Listen for anything that puts you off or makes you ill at ease. You are INTERVIEWING this person for a job - whether a blow job or your inamorata or lover - whatever the JOB DESCRIPTION. Listen for anything that puts you off. HARMONY is important. Listen for DIS-harmony or DIS-ease. Use your intuition and hunches. ANYTHING putting you off or did it go smoothly - ready to meet???

Maybe one phone call is enough for you or maybe you need two or three. BUT it should lead to a meeting in PERSON. Beware of those folks who will NEVER meet you in person and now you are their PEN PAL and PHONE BUDDY.

R. Ready for the first real MEETING?
Do not rush the first real in-person meeting - but don't postpone forever. THIS IS UP TO YOU or the two of you. Is the person visiting your city on biz and you are ready to go UP to their room right off the bat. IF so - go for it. OR do you want to meet them in the hotel bar or coffee shop--or on a park bench near their hotel??? This is all up for discussion by you both. Go with what WORKS FOR YOU. IF they are a good person and really interested and you will not go up to their hotel room or such on the first meeting - they will work with you!

S. RED FLAGS - always be alert!
Continue as from the get-go to watch for RED FLAGS. Use your intuition and hunches. IF something is amiss better to FLEE or back-off and REGROUP.

Do not set a first meeting up when you have only 15 minutes. Plan on at least thirty minutes and allow an hour - due to time delays - traffic - getting lost and such. IF they are running late - give them the benefit of the doubt and wait 20-30 minutes. IF YOU HAVE GONE THIS FAR give them a little time. They may just be nervous and shy about the meeting.

U. ARRIVE & LEAVE on your own!
Do NOT have someone pick you up at some corner or such. ARRIVE and LEAVE from the MEETING PLACE under your own steam and with plenty of money if say you have to grab a cab or such.

When you meet watch their body language. IF they smile and seem bright eyed and happy - LIKE A DOG wagging their tail they are glad to see you. If they seem crestfallen then ROB LOWE might not have been the PRINCE CHARMING they had in mind. You can NOT always live up to other folks' wild imaginings of what it will be like one day when their prince will come. He may NEVER come!

W. WHERE You MET was it right???
Where you have the first meeting - or first few meetings is important. Was it a joint decision or did they FORCE you into a sleazy or uncomfortable scene. PAST is prologue. If they wanted you to meet at an HOURLY sleazy no tell hotel room for a quickie it likely will not get better with time - if ever again. Always strive in the early meetings for a place you BOTH are at ease with.

X. HOW do YOU feel about them?
It is going to be ODD your first few meetings with NEW PEOPLE like this. Give it some time. If they are NICE and do not have foul body odor and nose hairs down to their bottom lip and you find them REASONABLY attractive to YOU - go with the flow. Some people DO GROW ON YOU. IF you yourself are not Madonna or Rob Lowe then give it a chance to unfold. ALSO never forget that about TEN PERCENT of people look FABULOUS with no clothes on - whereas clothed they look ordinary. Might this person be that one in ten?

Y. WHY NOT proceed at this point?
AFTER ALL THIS - frankly you have a LOT invested in this PROSPECT. Why not take some time to proceed and find out more about them? This is just the first meeting. Be self-revelatory - try to get them to open up. IF you are ready jump in the sack or offer up a FRENCH KISS and see if you click. Take some time now after all this work to give it a chance. WHY go back to starting all over. ALSO you may have some prospects still in the early stages. Keep them all going. After all you are one heck of a juggler by now - RIGHT??? Keep them all in the air for a bit now.

Z. A big ZERO or have you made it?
Hopefully you have made it and have met someone very nice to spend some time with for the weeks, months or years ahead. IF YOU MUST - start all over again A to Z - but enjoy the ride. GO WITH THE FLOW - but also help make your OWN flow. Life's a river!

Best Wishes,

Stewart ("Mac") McCloud
BI Men Worldwide Network
Now over 120,000 men & BI couples

AND see our BI Men Winners (the net's best BI sites) at;


WITH ADVANCE PLANNING - always the very BEST OPTION especially when you are ALONE and you have a nice private room - follow the tips posted here and the tools listed at our BI-MEN WINNERS list - at:


IF you have Internet access that day - use the tools at BI-MEN WINNERS.

Post a notice to the travel desk. If you can NOT give out your name and the hotel number - at least say MEET ME in the hotel bar (or lobby or gym) at 6 to 7 pm or such. Many local men will make an effort at the last minute to come see you at lunch or in the afternoon or early evening IF YOU HAVE A HOTEL ROOM and can meet them there for a hot, quick session. Try to talk with a local guy or two on the phone earlier that day to set it up.

IF you have Internet access ALL THE TIME (i.e. laptop with you) - have them contact you and come over to the hotel. Talk on the phone FIRST. If they sound great have them come to the room direct if you are at ease. IF you are NOT at ease or want to screen them - meet in the lobby, bar or coffee shop.

IF you have the ROOM - do not worry about overbooking if you are willing to have a threesome in your room. Better to have two guys show up - than NO ONE. Booking just one guy at the last minute can be IFF-y. If you do not get out that often go for a possible 3-some over a NOTHING evening alone. The best three-ways are often spontaneous last minute horny sumbitch meetings just like this. "NO TELL HOTEL SEX"!

IF THE INTERNET HAS FAILED - or you have NO Internet access.
ALWAYS try to stay in the center city when you travel to major cities as there is ALWAYS more action there than out in the suburbs or by the airports. IF you have no net access you can likely scare something up at the last minute.

Check out the hot spots via the links in the BI-MEN Winners as CRUISING FOR SEX. Get the zip code of your hotel and scribble down a few dirty book stores, baths, and gay bars in the ZIP CODE of your hotel. At least have 2-3 names of locations near your hotel. IF ALL ELSE FAILS a cab driver ALWAYS knows where a gay bar is or an adult bookstore or a bath house if he is working the inner city. Once in EUROPE I had to go to the Police Station in FLORENCE, ITALY to ask the DESK SEARGENTO - OH MIA MIO - where the closest gay or mixed bar was when no cab driver spoke ENGLISH! Cab drivers and cops know where the action is!

IF for whatever reasons you can not go out to bars, baths or bookstores - see if there is a GAY COMMUNITY CENTER in that city. Often they have a Gay Help Line. IF you can get over there if close by and open as they always have all the local TRADE JOURNALS (fag rags) on hand. Check those for PERSONALS Ads and if you MUST costly Phone Sex Lines. Guys who run PERSONAL ADS are used to horny last minute suck my dick or I need a big Dick phone calls at all hours. Be sure you are CALLING AN AD - and not a male hustler. Just ask: " This is just a PERSONAL AD - right? No fee involved right? Don't mean to be rude but just checking guy! Not from here!"

IF the GAY COMMUNITY CENTER (better term now is GLBT CENTER) is closed see if there is a GAY HELP LINE - even the Gay Suicide Line or Gay AIDS and STD Lines can help you.

Often a call from YOU the horny BI traveling man will be a fun break from drama queens UP for suicide or the cold harsh realities of DISease today. Likely you will MAKE the guy's day as a tireless VOLUNTEER. Ask him when he gets off if he sounds hot. WHO KNOWS! Flirt! If he can't meet you for a drink ask him if he has any friends who like guys like you - FLIRT - smile a lot - be an idiot!

IF ALL OF THIS HAS FAILED or you are snowbound in the hotel - or are out in the suburbs or out at the airport - and have no wheels or can not get into town:

Does the HOTEL have a gym - pool - steam room or sauna????? ALWAYS hot prospects to meet other BI and gay travelers AT ANY HOUR. If it is 3 am and they are in the sauna with an erect piping hot penis they are UP FOR IT!

Hang out for awhile there. If all else FAILS and you have the nerve - leave a note offering a free massage - call me - or meet me here at 11 PM tonight.

KILROY WAS HERE and was horny!

OR - try the HOTEL BAR. Often hookers may frequent the bar. IF SO THAT IS A GOOD SIGN - sex happens at this hotel. You are FREE the ladies are after a hefty FEE. Smile a lot - make eye contact. Drink beer or water and keep going to the bathroom. Linger in the bathroom. Make eye contact - smile a lot - look at the guy's CROTCH - do not solicit him by God sakes but look at the FAMILY JEWELS. Smile a lot. Who cares if at this Best Inns they think you are a dimwitted IDIOT???

LAST RESORT - the TEA ROOM - and I do not meet HIGH TEA at 4 PM daily. Make lots of eye contact. Smile a lot. Look at his crotch. Don't solicit him.

CHECK THE STALLS for messages. I don't suggest YOU DO THIS but sometimes guys will leave a room number and date and say call me. SADLY most were there last week or last month and you are alone in the stall. Watch for TAP DANCERS and Jamaican LIMBO DANCERS. Unless MUZAK has a great dance tune on NOBODY needs to stub out 18 cigarettes with their pants around their ankles. If they look under at your crotch and ask for toilet paper they likely have more in mind than just that! The more graffiti in the stalls the better chance that HORNY DUDES go there!

THE BAR and the SPA and the GYM and all other suggestions above are FAVORED over this last resort. NO matter what you need to have a SAFE SEX DISCUSSION (i.e. I am HIV neg. and STD free are you? - and what do you like to do? - want to do?). Settle this before you take them to your room or before you reveal your room number or full name.

PACK CONDOMS and WATER BASED LUBE FOR YOUR TRIP. OR get them before you "party" at the hotel that night. Do not get talked into "bareback" ANAL SEX with a total stranger. IF all else fails pay the premium for condoms at the gift shop or newsstand. Play safe for ALL ANAL SEX.

IF all else fails go UP to your room and watch the ADULT CHANNEL and JO or take a cold shower and try the next day. Do not give up if you have a 2nd day as most of the HARD search and destroy surveying the lay of the land has been done by you. Next day you are a VET!

REMEMBER - if you have a PRIVATE NICE HOTEL ROOM and PLAN ahead there is NO reason here at the BI-MEN why EVERY TRIP should not be a fun new adventure - making new friends and sexual playmates WHEN EVER you do any such travel. Travel alone can be great fun here. EVEN host a JO-BJ PARTY!


Hope that answered your question.

Best Wishes,


How to Make A Special Friend
A Guide for the Coming Year!

to You Making That SPECIAL BI Guy Friend!

STEP ONE: Resolve to make the effort to meet and make that special male pal and friend. Casual sex is easy enough to find - and is easily found especially with gay guys or "professionals" - the actors, dancers, models, masseurs and escorts of the materialistic world of today

You do not just post an INTRODUCTION or buy a PERSONALS AD - and bang bang meet a special BI or gay male that you could see spending many years of pleasurable time in their company - in an ongoing, hopefully longtime relationship..

You SHOULD feel this desire for a special buddy - pal - friend - or soul mate. It does not matter what you may CALL HIM - if you want - "Prince Charming" is just fine. But of course do not tell your wife or likely anyone else your are UP to meet "Prince Charming". That's our little secret.

PUT THE WELCOME MAT OUT! Be sure there is room in your heart and schedule for such a person. It takes time to make a friend and to be a friend. What goes around comes around. If you stand up a guy again and again or are always late or act like you don't care it won't work.

START VISUALIZING time and space in your life and heart for a such a special friend. This is not a "trick". This might be like the big or little brother you never had but with a sex kicker. It may be like an old army buddy or fraternity brother with a sex kicker. When in the shower or on a commute or such imagine what it could be like. Make sure the welcome mat is out for such a SPECIAL FRIEND and pal. There must be room in your heart and life.

STEP TWO: Where you can do so - discreetly and safely let those you know and are close to you - KNOW that you are open to a new male buddy and friend.
NO don't say you are looking for a good poke or great head - but DO share that you are a tad lonely and would like to have a buddy to go fishing with - or to go hunting or camping or hiking with. An equal - someone to talk man to man.

OR maybe a gym buddy would help keep you motivated - or a jogging partner - or a sailing buddy. Or someone to share the expenses and driving to go hiking or camping or fishing or skiing. Be sure to emphasize ACTIVITIES that your wife does NOT like to engage in that you DO.
State your human yearning for some warm human - but male companionship.

MOST WOMEN have many girl friends.

MOST WOMEN realize men have more trouble making and keeping friends. Let your wife KNOW you would like a buddy. Tell her quietly that you have mulled over your last year or so and you realize you need a buddy to just hang out with and do things with. ELIMINATE her obvious picks of guys at work - as "I don't want to mix business with the off hours!" or "All the
guys from work live too far away from us!" IF you just have to - tell her you don't like a guy's vibes or he has had B.O. just too many times - or whatever. Tell her you are looking for a buddy and to keep her eyes open but discreetly reject her easy target (unless hi is BI and your type!).

LET HER KNOW - you are looking and open to a new MALE BUDDY - this way when you start "interviewing" candidates this is no major surprise to her. Also the fact you are sharing BEFORE your Prince comes will put you more at ease with it all as well. He may in fact be a "walking marital aide". He may in fact be the best thing that ever happened for her and to your marriage. This remains to be seen. Get HER used to the idea as well as you opening your heart and life to this guy.

Some wives may try to push you off to spend more time with the kids! SMILE and agree with her but say you need an equal and a man you can talk to as well. Also mention that if SHE likes him - AND his wife - you guys can "double" and do trips and/or evenings out on the town.

Some wives may try to push you into classes or volunteer work - but brush that aside too. You want to find a new male buddy you can share FUN WITH. That fun includes both sex and doing things you and he both enjoy - in and out of the sack!

STEP THREE: Start now - it takes TIME!

Plan your campaign and strategize. Do NOT start a campaign to meet a very special friend when you are overworked or stressed out. Better to PLAN during such times and answer a few ADS from other guys and "dabble" here and there.

BONE UP on our "A to Z" TIPS at:

There is a great deal of overlap - so HERE we are treating with the very unique aspects of LOOKING and IN FINDING a very special BI guy for you!

What are you looking for? Try to define what you are looking for. Do not limit yourself but be sure to ascertain what are IN FACT "deal-breakers" for you. If you can not stand smokers - well get that out front. IF you do not want a gay guy - get that set in your mind. Realize that the more "deal breakers" you pile on - the more you are limiting your chances and prospects for success - but NO REASON to waste your time or theirs on the real "DEAL BREAKERS".


We all feel and even act younger than our age. We all have rose-colored shades on when it comes to our REAL LOOK. Without putting yourself down - recognize your current limitations - and target men who will be at ease with you and your situation. But also realize that LOOKS are not the main priority with BI guys as opposed to many gay men and some gals.

OK - you have strategized - you have an idea of what you are looking for and what for sure you DO NOT WANT. You have made room in your heart and mind for a new "special friend" in your life. You have alerted family and friends that you are a tad lonely and would like a buddy or two.
You have TIME to start looking and so now you do so.

STEP FOUR: You join the BI MEN local, statewide and regional GROUPS for your home area (and anywhere you travel all the time). You also join the SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS - that fit you - as BI-MEN-DADS - and you join any of the new SPORTS Groups (see below) here at BI MEN where you have a real and continuing interest in that sport.

Find them at:
IF for example you live in or near ATLANTA, GA - join:
You are a daddy and like daddies. add  BI MEN DADS
Your are into boating, hiking and camping. 
You travel often to Myrtle Beach, SC. add  BI MEN SOUTH CAROLINA
To cut down on emails - go to no mail or DIGEST on most of these groups. That way you can post YOUR Intro to all of them but not get too much email.

NOW  dust off your Yahoo PROFILE - get it nice and spiffy - go to Yahoo and EDIT your information there. If you have PG PIC put it in your Yahoo PROFILE - but make sure your Yahoo PROFILE is not XXX rated. Give your age, sex, and general location. Have a discreet email address for them to reply to. List all your REAL INTERESTS.

Join Yahoo INTERESTS groups for all areas you are interested in and the BI and gay regional groups for your area. Some guys may FIND YOU via your profile. Be sure you have a discreet email address listed where you can be contacted. Make sure that box does NOT bounce emails.

Make sure your Yahoo PROFILE is current - updated - and presents you in the best light possible. List all your interests that you'd like to share with a special friend.

POST YOUR INTRODUCTION - once a week or so WHEN you have time to reply to the E-mails and can meet guys. Send your INTRO to all the BI MEN GROUPS that are in your area and have your special interests. LIST your Yahoo PROFILE - the link in the body of your INTRO. Give enough INFO so that a person who you want to meet - has enough info to want to reply to you.

IF you spend 30 seconds posting a boring - "HI I am mwm 51 in So Calif. email me to meet" - who wants that?

Be sure to have your UPDATED Profile in your INTRODUCTION - so they can click onto it. AS:
SO: Your Yahoo ID

Put out as many ways to contact you discreetly as you can. IM - voice mail - cell phone - certain hours of certain days - email - if there may be a delay in your reply to guys - tell them. Clue them in.

DO UNTO OTHERS as you'd want done.

Keep posting your INTRO 2-3 times a month when you are open to meet guys and have the time and interest to do so.

IF it is too much work and you get tired TAKE A BREAK. Get back to this quest when you are in the mood and have time. IN the interim - dabble here and there - as often happens in life - love finds you when you are NOT really looking for it.

BUT you are OPEN to it and the welcome mat is OUT and you have ROOM for it.

STEP FIVE: To tell or not to tell that you are in fact seeking a SPECIAL SOMEONE. If you are committed as say the CLOSED LOOP guys are to finding just one guy to match your one gal in a 2nd exclusive ongoing relationship - perhaps it is best to tell.

IF you might in time just ENJOY playing the field - or this is all new to you - it is likely best to just leave this open.  ALL OF US are open to long-term situations. IF it happens it happens. BUT early on you are better to just state you are seeking a "regular" or ongoing buddy. Seeming too eager or desperate can scare away some of the top candidates. Don't make it heavy - keep it light.

ALSO be HONEST about what kind of TIME you can give to them. IF you can see a guy once a month that may not be enough for many guys. If you can see a guy about once a week say so. If only once a month say so.

IF you are MARRIED and PLAN to stay MARRIED or want to do so - STATE this.

Do not get some gay guy screaming later you led him on or played with his heart. IF you think a woman scorned can be a bitch - don't find out about irate queens.

STEP SIX: SHARED INTERESTS are keys to an ongoing "special friend". When you have both great sex and fun times out of the rack with your buddy - all the better. By this time your wife knows you love to play golf, or go sailing, or hike or go camping. Concentrate on those areas SHE does not enjoy sharing with you and avoid areas where you might be denying your younger children as well.

You NEED a "cover" for your new male buddy or buddies. Going out to sports events can be such a cover. Going out fishing or hunting another. A jogging or workout partner or tennis match are others. Concentrate on those areas WHERE SHE WILL WELCOME you getting out of the house - i.e. to do some exercise; turn the tv off; giving her the home to herself; whatever works for her. Do NOT take from her - give to her - i.e. peace of mind that you are getting some exercise and relaxing out of the home. Mention again and again you want to make a FRIEND - about your age - an equal - not from work - not a relative or family - not from church - so on an so on. Let her get bored of hearing about it so when you meet someone she is happy.

BUT look for someone with one or more shared interests. The more - all the better. ALSO such a person with such interests who is a guy about your age should by now BE NO BIG SURPRISE at home.

STEP SEVEN: You have posted your INTRODUCTIONS to all the BI MEN Groups in your area and all the appropriate sports and special interest groups - with you profile and with a good INTRO you'd want to see and you would likely reply to yourself!

Also see our BI MEN WINNERS GUIDE for other spots to post an INTRO and a PERSONAL AD. Get the word out there! IF a few months go by with no luck then widen your search with Sexy Ads and Craig's List ads and prowl chat rooms too!

Your Yahoo PROFILE is posted and has current contact info. Your email box is not clogged and bouncing. You can be easily reached where and when you state. OK! DO  take time to answer your emails. Some emails are NOT worthy of a reply. IF they are not responsive to your Intro
ignore. IF someone sounds good reply.

Promptness counts! If you are BUSY BUSY BUSY with work or such at least reply - "SOUNDS GREAT - I am very interested - but on a tight deadline at work. Bear with me! Back with you ASAP."

Get a dialogue going - share - and then chat - then meet. See the BI MEN "A to Z" Guide on these particulars.

STEP EIGHT: Start "interviewing" candidates - one at a time. Your WIFE knows you are looking for such a new buddy. IF you are a golfer and would be going out anyway - include him. IF you don't have time - meet for a drink or for a cup of coffee.

Get  yourself and your family used to the idea that you are "INTERVIEWING" candidates for this position as your new friend. Take it slow and easy. If sex happens it happens. It if was good and
he has some promise - meet again.

KEEP INTERVIEWING until you "know".

STEP NINE: Even if you take a month off now and then due to WORK - or Family Summer
Vacations - or whatever - keep at it.

Do not let this grind to a halt. Do not CRAWL back in to your old RUT.

Even if you redecorate that rut it will be the same old rut - served up again!

BEST to keep this in motion. IF you stop again - you will soon come to a full stop and it could lead you to DANGEROUS ACTIVITIES  - as bookstore or public sex, an arrest, or hustlers and muggers who prey on lonely, horny old farts!

Even if you end up interviewing a 100 MEN in the next TEN years and have casual sex with half of them and NEVER find one special BI guy - sure beats that!

STEP TEN: FINALLY - one month, one year or one decade later you have met HIM - the
special BI guy! GREAT! Whether to bring him into your circle of family and friends should be a long and drawn-out process. BEST at the beginning to keep any and all contacts with your family and friends very brief. Be the TEENAGE GIRL with the rude boyfriend who honks for her.

You do not want your WIFE and FAMILY see you or HIM acting like giddy teenage girls with new vibrators. ALSO if it does not work out - long-term - you want to avoid any discussions of what happened to so and so.

ALSO you need to get used to HIM and grow at ease and comfortable with HIM one on one in neutral settings OUTSIDE your home and family and friends. Let the natural EXCITEMENT die down before you bring the family into play. AND openly discuss it at length with him before you do so.  Remind one another of things  you must avoid. Most wives will not cotton to a husband's buddy called: "Honey Buns" in her presence. Holding hands is not a good idea either.

Getting the wives and families involved is a long-term matter. IT is also best if perhaps with time you can DOUBLE DATE so the two women are busy with one another and NOT just your wife or his wife with full attention on the men.
IF IT TURNS OUT that your wife and family NEVER KNOW ABOUT or MEET your special BI guy - that is fine too.

STEP ELEVEN: OKAY _ your first choice was another bisexual guy - maybe married - maybe
single or divorced and it is six, nine months later and THAT has not happened.

Are you meeting enough guys to go ahead and continue with a BI GUY SEARCH or is it time to consider a gay guy???

QUICK SEX with gay guys is easy enough and easily found - but to have an ongoing relationship with a gay guy can be very tricky. SOMETIMES you must be as careful dating a gay guy as you would be with another woman.

Be completely honest with anyone you meet BI or gay male in this search. IF you are married and want to stay that way - SAY SO. If your marriage is in trouble - say so. DO not lead anyone on or give anyone false hopes.
Some gay guys are fine with BI men.
BUT do not be upset if you find out that he in turn may have a stable of married men. The best gay men for BI married men are just those types - who will let you go your way - let you come and go - and enjoy you when and if they get to see you.

BUT - if your search has gone on for NINE MONTHS or longer with no BI guy in sight - widen the search - either geographically (willing to travel) - or include gay men - or both.

STEP TWELVE: OK. Nine months or a year later - whatever it took - hopefully you were
lucky and it took only a month or so - YOU'VE MET THE SPECIAL BI guy!

Great. Make it special and keep it special. IF you made the mistake of not paying attention to your wife and her needs - DON'T DARE DO IT AGAIN HERE!

Each relationship has its own dynamics but make him feel special - keep it going - don't take him for granted. Meet his needs or someone else will.

GUYS are different. We need variety. With time you may want to consider adding a buddy here or there. Maybe a one time thing - maybe a repeat. Be open to this. You are FIRST and so is
he - but a little variety might be nice. THREESOMES can be fun and exciting.

STEP THIRTEEN: Further down the road - you may want to get a small group of BI guys together for a WEEKEND of CAMPING. You may want to get a poker group together. You and your MAIN MAN could become the focus for BI guys in your area. This is all well and good and will keep many BI men happy. Consider it as a possible NATURAL PROGRESSION. We need DEN FATHERS at the BI Men! IF it happens - it happens. Let it happen.

STEP FOURTEEN: What if you have tried all this for say nine months and YOU have not met a special guy? Are you happy playing the field? Do you still hunger for a special buddy? Some guys ENJOY THE CHASE! Are you one of those - if so - enjoy the chase! Keep going at it - and just enjoy the chase. IF NOT WIDEN THE SEARCH. Each month - do some "WILD" thing to get the word out there - beyond this ongoing BI MEN program.

IF you are a GOLFER - put out an ad or notice - MWM mid 40's seeking a regular buddy for golfing, good times and companionship. Once a month post this AD or NOTICE in some public venue. You may be surprised at the response.

Just using MWM will tip off BI guys that you may be in play. IF you are Black - MBM - or put it out in full: Married White Male or Married Black Male or Married Latino Male.

YOUR WIFE and family know you are looking for a buddy and have been doing so for a long time now. They do not need to know about these ADS or NOTICES.

Scout around for places to put such ADS or NOTICES - as Bulletin Boards at the Golf Club - or Church - or whatever. Consider local papers - especially the "Alternative Papers". NOT gay rags of course.

THIS WILL REQUIRE YOU TO BE MORE CAREFUL in your first chats and meetings but you may find a great guy!

KEEP TRYING a new AD or POSTING each month. Realize that if you live in a remote and thinly populated area it may take some time.

STEP FIFTEEN: IF this has failed in your HOME AREA - then you must live in some remote area.  You will need to broaden your search to a larger city or populated area that you visit regularly or which you could get to once a month for such a special BI guy.

Keep searching in YOUR area - but widen the search to a better, nearby target area.

STEP SIXTEEN: WHEN and IF it is ever time to move on! DO SO! This is NOT a marriage. IF the time comes to move on - do so. Try to stay friends or friendly. Or as indicated let the one on one relationship evolve into a threesome here and there - or you and he become DEN FATHERS to a group of BI MEN SCOUTS in your area!

Your relationships with MEN will not mirror those with your WIFE. I myself do not believe in the CLOSED LOOP model. It may work for a chosen few.

Don't kid yourself. MEN are ANIMALS and they like a little variety. One guy and one woman may not be enough for you. Or maybe it got stale - or the sex went bad or whatever. Move on - but hopefully that is YEARS ahead.

SO get moving. The QUEST starts with but a single step - get moving!

And to start the New Year right we now have TEN spanking new











THESE GROUPS are to help YOU make new friends and have a discreet, workable cover for safe, secure BI Men friendships.

Join the BI MEN Groups that service the men in your local area, state and region as well as any special interest groups.

HAPPY HUNTING - enjoy the chase!
Hugs and Best Wishes,
Stewart ("Mac") McCloud
Founder and Moderator

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