you want to meet someone hot and very special (or just someone
HOT) on the Internet? WELL here are some tips. These apply whether
you are looking for an afternoon tryst or a long-term, ongoing,
to Z" General Tips
To Hotel Cruising, or "What to do in a Strange City?"
to Make A Special Friend at the BI MEN NETWORK - A Guide for
1. POINTERS "A to Z" for Hooking-UP!
PATIENT: It takes time & effort.
This is not picking up a street hustler or prostitute. It takes
time and effort. Frankly, you get out of it what you put into
it. If you send one liner emails - that is all you will get back
- IF THAT. IF you are not self-revelatory along the path - you
will not meet someone special. What goes around comes around.
Plan on putting an hour a week (at least) into this PROJECT. Do
not start on such a project when you are too busy to spend the
needed time and effort on it. YOU will be rewarded for your efforts
but it will take time. KEEP AT IT - on and on.
REALISTIC about your situation.
IF you live in a remote area - EVEN with the NET - there are few
available folks for YOUR PLANS in North Dakota. IF you have lived
in North Dakota for more than two weeks you KNOW THIS. If you
live in LA LA LAND (Southern California) you KNOW there are lots
of people there but also lots of fruits, nuts and flakes. SO deal
with it. Be realistic. In ND you may meet a nice person but it
may take a year. In LA you may meet a health NUT who is not a
fruit or flake but you may have to go through many folks to find
that one nut!
lots of GROUPS with your types!
Do not count on just one WEBSITE or one GROUP for your contacts.
Make it part of your project to join as many lists and groups
that have YOUR TYPE in them. Spread your nets far and wide - also
use a variety of lures. Do not post the same old INTRODUCTION
all the time. At least change the title from time to time. At
least once a year add a year to your age! Check out for example
the groups at: http://BiMen.GLBTgroups.com
- and others. Also try good places to post a Personal especially
free personals or if you must reasonably priced personals ads.
INTRODUCTION - your lure!
Present yourself reasonably - but in the best light possible.
Take time to finely craft your INTRODUCTION. Tell enough about
yourself to get some interest but NOT a detailed resume. IF you
need to be discreet - DO NOT give out enough info that your spouse
or employer or such can figure out it is you! Fine-tune your INTRODUCTION
all the time. Present a good picture of YOU - but be sure when
they finally do meet you that it is YOU they meet. IF you present
yourself as ROB LOWE and show up as WALTER MATTHAU it is NOT going
to click for THEM or you!
your INTRODUCTION often.
you have time to deal with emails and send prompt replies post
weekly or every two weeks. IF you are busy - at least post once
a month. Be SURE to put your LOCATION in the headline. Unless
you FLY all over the earth - be specific. IF you do travel indicate
where and that you ARE FROM North Dakota or wherever but travel
to this place and that often enough for dates or a for a relationship.
FINE-TUNE your INTRO again and again. Change the title a tad once
and again. Be creative. Have fun.
REPLIES: Be prompt with INFO.
you get one liners. TOSS THEM. When you get REAL replies try to
reply as soon as possible. IF you do NOT have time - at least
reply: "WOW! I am very interested - I am on a deadline - but will
reply ASAP with detailed info. Thank you!" Answer ALL their questions
if they were reasonable ones. IF you are interested ACT SO. If
you are NOT into someone - just reply that you are dating a prospect
now. OR if you wish ignore them - UP TO YOU. The important thing
is do not let the GOOD ONES get away by your own INACTION or non-responsive
replies. You get as good as you give.
GOOD TO BE TRUE???
IF it sounds too good to be true and you are panting at the first
few replies - DO watch out. What is the gimmick here? Russian
brides or husbands who need travel money and US entry and want
to be US Citizens? They are selling Viagra or ??? It is Walter
Matthau parading as Rob Lowe? They are in IRAQ in the military
and will not be home for a year? IF you feel as giddy as a teenage
girl every time you see an email from them then it is FANTASY
ISLAND most likely. Figure out what is really going on here!
GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL!
If you find yourself writing one hour long emails every time your
hear from your hot NEW PROSPECT - then beware of your new penpal
LOVER. This could and will go on for the rest of your lives and
you may never meet the person. Many people - as a person in North
Dakota or at sea in the military or such WANT PEN PALS - but in
2003 - who wants pen pals as they did eons ago? SO they must snag
you into THEIR net! Likely you will never meet such pen pals in
person much less have an affair!
MY SCRAP BOOK with your pics!
Beware of folks who want ALL YOUR PICS - want your nude pics -
want your beach or poolside pics. You get the PICTURE??? The picture
is their Scrap Book is full of a zillion pics from the net. These
folks are trolling or trawling the net with their nets for pics.
AND GOD KNOWS where they may end up! Many have their own amateur
pics websites where they MAKE MONEY. If it smells FISHY - it likely
is fishy. Beware!
your INTUITION and HUNCHES.
IF you have some odd, weird "vibes" or bad feelings about a situation
or person - MOVE ON. Break it off. OR ask enough questions that
move you through it. The BODY always KNOWS FIRST. If you have
a bad feeling in your stomach about someone it is rare if ever
that it is worth going further with such a "prospect".
is Resistance to Harmony!
with the other person is of course a bad sign. MOVE ON. But the
other type of friction is just delays after delays - they are
busy - you are busy - whatever. IF IT IS MEANT TO HAPPEN it will
happen. A HARMONIOUS scene will unfold nicely in due course. If
door after door slams shut - move on. Time you waste on a BAD
PROSPECT is time that you do not have to find the RIGHT ONE for
GUARD your real ID.
Keep your guard up on your real identity for a LONG TIME. First
names and your nicknames and handles only. Do not - of course
- give out your full name, home or office phone numbers. Take
CAUTION & "HORSE SENSE."
It is amazing how grown people can turn into giddy teenagers all
alone by the telephone with one HOT prospect. Use caution and
common sense or what I call "HORSE SENSE". Take your time and
proceed cautiously and prudently.
ALL QUESTIONS that matter!
IF it matters to YOU it is important. If you hate HAIRY EARS ask.
IF YOU do not like uncircumcised guys - say so - or ask. Why waste
days, weeks or months on some person who is NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA???
IF you have certain MUSTS or OUGHTS or what not - get it out of
the way ---- EARLY! BUT also be aware that some things as body
odor and personal hygiene are hard to address on the NET. Some
things HAVE to wait for the MEETING.
on the phone FINALLY!
Arrange FINALLY after many emails - and you know you WANT to talk
to them and the time is right - and most all of your email questions
have been answered SET UP A TIME TO TALK PRIVATELY for say 10-15-20
minutes. Arrange the call. Guard your identity - but be able to
quietly talk with them with full privacy. WHEN you talk to them
do so in quiet.
PHONE CALL - in full quiet!
sure you can HEAR EVERY WORD and really listen to their voice.
Listen for anything that puts you off or makes you ill at ease.
You are INTERVIEWING this person for a job - whether a blow job
or your inamorata or lover - whatever the JOB DESCRIPTION. Listen
for anything that puts you off. HARMONY is important. Listen for
DIS-harmony or DIS-ease. Use your intuition and hunches. ANYTHING
putting you off or did it go smoothly - ready to meet???
FINAL MEETING in PERSON.
one phone call is enough for you or maybe you need two or three.
BUT it should lead to a meeting in PERSON. Beware of those folks
who will NEVER meet you in person and now you are their PEN PAL
and PHONE BUDDY.
for the first real MEETING?
Do not rush the first real in-person meeting - but don't postpone
forever. THIS IS UP TO YOU or the two of you. Is the person visiting
your city on biz and you are ready to go UP to their room right
off the bat. IF so - go for it. OR do you want to meet them in
the hotel bar or coffee shop--or on a park bench near their hotel???
This is all up for discussion by you both. Go with what WORKS
FOR YOU. IF they are a good person and really interested and you
will not go up to their hotel room or such on the first meeting
- they will work with you!
FLAGS - always be alert!
Continue as from the get-go to watch for RED FLAGS. Use your intuition
and hunches. IF something is amiss better to FLEE or back-off
MEETING - do have TIME!
Do not set a first meeting up when you have only 15 minutes. Plan
on at least thirty minutes and allow an hour - due to time delays
- traffic - getting lost and such. IF they are running late -
give them the benefit of the doubt and wait 20-30 minutes. IF
YOU HAVE GONE THIS FAR give them a little time. They may just
be nervous and shy about the meeting.
& LEAVE on your own!
Do NOT have someone pick you up at some corner or such. ARRIVE
and LEAVE from the MEETING PLACE under your own steam and with
plenty of money if say you have to grab a cab or such.
THEIR BODY LANGUAGE!
When you meet watch their body language. IF they smile and seem
bright eyed and happy - LIKE A DOG wagging their tail they are
glad to see you. If they seem crestfallen then ROB LOWE might
not have been the PRINCE CHARMING they had in mind. You can NOT
always live up to other folks' wild imaginings of what it will
be like one day when their prince will come. He may NEVER come!
You MET was it right???
Where you have the first meeting - or first few meetings is important.
Was it a joint decision or did they FORCE you into a sleazy or
uncomfortable scene. PAST is prologue. If they wanted you to meet
at an HOURLY sleazy no tell hotel room for a quickie it likely
will not get better with time - if ever again. Always strive in
the early meetings for a place you BOTH are at ease with.
do YOU feel about them?
It is going to be ODD your first few meetings with NEW PEOPLE
like this. Give it some time. If they are NICE and do not have
foul body odor and nose hairs down to their bottom lip and you
find them REASONABLY attractive to YOU - go with the flow. Some
people DO GROW ON YOU. IF you yourself are not Madonna or Rob
Lowe then give it a chance to unfold. ALSO never forget that about
TEN PERCENT of people look FABULOUS with no clothes on - whereas
clothed they look ordinary. Might this person be that one in ten?
NOT proceed at this point?
AFTER ALL THIS - frankly you have a LOT invested in this PROSPECT.
Why not take some time to proceed and find out more about them?
This is just the first meeting. Be self-revelatory - try to get
them to open up. IF you are ready jump in the sack or offer up
a FRENCH KISS and see if you click. Take some time now after all
this work to give it a chance. WHY go back to starting all over.
ALSO you may have some prospects still in the early stages. Keep
them all going. After all you are one heck of a juggler by now
- RIGHT??? Keep them all in the air for a bit now.
Z. A big
ZERO or have you made it?
Hopefully you have made it and have met someone very nice to spend
some time with for the weeks, months or years ahead. IF YOU MUST
- start all over again A to Z - but enjoy the ride. GO WITH THE
FLOW - but also help make your OWN flow. Life's a river!
BI Men Worldwide Network
Now over 120,000 men & BI couples
AND see our
BI Men Winners (the net's best BI sites) at;
2. BI-MEN GUIDE to HOTEL CRUISING:
PLANNING - always the very BEST OPTION especially when you are
ALONE and you have a nice private room - follow the tips posted
here and the tools listed at our BI-MEN WINNERS list - at:
HOTEL CRUISING WITH NO ADVANCE PLANNING
ACCESS on the TRIP
IF you have Internet access that day - use the tools at BI-MEN
Post a notice
to the travel desk. If you can NOT give out your name and the
hotel number - at least say MEET ME in the hotel bar (or lobby
or gym) at 6 to 7 pm or such. Many local men will make an effort
at the last minute to come see you at lunch or in the afternoon
or early evening IF YOU HAVE A HOTEL ROOM and can meet them there
for a hot, quick session. Try to talk with a local guy or two
on the phone earlier that day to set it up.
IF you have
Internet access ALL THE TIME (i.e. laptop with you) - have them
contact you and come over to the hotel. Talk on the phone FIRST.
If they sound great have them come to the room direct if you are
at ease. IF you are NOT at ease or want to screen them - meet
in the lobby, bar or coffee shop.
IF you have
the ROOM - do not worry about overbooking if you are willing to
have a threesome in your room. Better to have two guys show up
- than NO ONE. Booking just one guy at the last minute can be
IFF-y. If you do not get out that often go for a possible 3-some
over a NOTHING evening alone. The best three-ways are often spontaneous
last minute horny sumbitch meetings just like this. "NO TELL HOTEL
INTERNET HAS FAILED - or you have NO Internet access.
ALWAYS try to stay in the center city when you travel to major
cities as there is ALWAYS more action there than out in the suburbs
or by the airports. IF you have no net access you can likely scare
something up at the last minute.
Check out the hot spots via the links in the BI-MEN Winners as
CRUISING FOR SEX. Get the zip code of your hotel and scribble
down a few dirty book stores, baths, and gay bars in the ZIP CODE
of your hotel. At least have 2-3 names of locations near your
hotel. IF ALL ELSE FAILS a cab driver ALWAYS knows where a gay
bar is or an adult bookstore or a bath house if he is working
the inner city. Once in EUROPE I had to go to the Police Station
in FLORENCE, ITALY to ask the DESK SEARGENTO - OH MIA MIO - where
the closest gay or mixed bar was when no cab driver spoke ENGLISH!
Cab drivers and cops know where the action is!
IF for whatever
reasons you can not go out to bars, baths or bookstores - see
if there is a GAY COMMUNITY CENTER in that city. Often they have
a Gay Help Line. IF you can get over there if close by and open
as they always have all the local TRADE JOURNALS (fag rags) on
hand. Check those for PERSONALS Ads and if you MUST costly Phone
Sex Lines. Guys who run PERSONAL ADS are used to horny last minute
suck my dick or I need a big Dick phone calls at all hours. Be
sure you are CALLING AN AD - and not a male hustler. Just ask:
" This is just a PERSONAL AD - right? No fee involved right? Don't
mean to be rude but just checking guy! Not from here!"
IF the GAY
COMMUNITY CENTER (better term now is GLBT CENTER) is closed see
if there is a GAY HELP LINE - even the Gay Suicide Line or Gay
AIDS and STD Lines can help you.
Often a call
from YOU the horny BI traveling man will be a fun break from drama
queens UP for suicide or the cold harsh realities of DISease today.
Likely you will MAKE the guy's day as a tireless VOLUNTEER. Ask
him when he gets off if he sounds hot. WHO KNOWS! Flirt! If he
can't meet you for a drink ask him if he has any friends who like
guys like you - FLIRT - smile a lot - be an idiot!
OF THIS HAS FAILED or you are snowbound in the hotel - or
are out in the suburbs or out at the airport - and have no wheels
or can not get into town:
AT THE HOTEL - SOS!
Does the HOTEL have a gym - pool - steam room or sauna????? ALWAYS
hot prospects to meet other BI and gay travelers AT ANY HOUR.
If it is 3 am and they are in the sauna with an erect piping hot
penis they are UP FOR IT!
for awhile there. If all else FAILS and you have the nerve - leave
a note offering a free massage - call me - or meet me here at
11 PM tonight.
WAS HERE and was horny!
OR - try
the HOTEL BAR. Often hookers may frequent the bar. IF SO THAT
IS A GOOD SIGN - sex happens at this hotel. You are FREE the ladies
are after a hefty FEE. Smile a lot - make eye contact. Drink beer
or water and keep going to the bathroom. Linger in the bathroom.
Make eye contact - smile a lot - look at the guy's CROTCH - do
not solicit him by God sakes but look at the FAMILY JEWELS. Smile
a lot. Who cares if at this Best Inns they think you are a dimwitted
- the TEA ROOM - and I do not meet HIGH TEA at 4 PM daily. Make
lots of eye contact. Smile a lot. Look at his crotch. Don't solicit
STALLS for messages. I don't suggest YOU DO THIS but sometimes
guys will leave a room number and date and say call me. SADLY
most were there last week or last month and you are alone in the
stall. Watch for TAP DANCERS and Jamaican LIMBO DANCERS. Unless
MUZAK has a great dance tune on NOBODY needs to stub out 18 cigarettes
with their pants around their ankles. If they look under at your
crotch and ask for toilet paper they likely have more in mind
than just that! The more graffiti in the stalls the better chance
that HORNY DUDES go there!
THE BAR and
the SPA and the GYM and all other suggestions above are FAVORED
over this last resort. NO matter what you need to have a SAFE
SEX DISCUSSION (i.e. I am HIV neg. and STD free are you? - and
what do you like to do? - want to do?). Settle this before you
take them to your room or before you reveal your room number or
and WATER BASED LUBE FOR YOUR TRIP. OR get them before you "party"
at the hotel that night. Do not get talked into "bareback" ANAL
SEX with a total stranger. IF all else fails pay the premium for
condoms at the gift shop or newsstand. Play safe for ALL ANAL
IF all else
fails go UP to your room and watch the ADULT CHANNEL and JO or
take a cold shower and try the next day. Do not give up if you
have a 2nd day as most of the HARD search and destroy surveying
the lay of the land has been done by you. Next day you are a VET!
- if you have a PRIVATE NICE HOTEL ROOM and PLAN ahead there is
NO reason here at the BI-MEN why EVERY TRIP should not be a fun
new adventure - making new friends and sexual playmates WHEN EVER
you do any such travel. Travel alone can be great fun here. EVEN
host a JO-BJ PARTY!
answered your question.
BI-MEN WORLDWIDE NETWORK
to Make A Special Friend
at the BI MEN NETWORK
A Guide for the Coming Year!
The SWEET SIXTEEN STEPS
to You Making That SPECIAL BI Guy Friend!
ONE: Resolve to make the effort to meet and make that special
male pal and friend. Casual sex is easy enough to find - and is
easily found especially with gay guys or "professionals"
- the actors, dancers, models, masseurs and escorts of the materialistic
world of today
You do not just post an INTRODUCTION or buy a PERSONALS AD - and
bang bang meet a special BI or gay male that you could see spending
many years of pleasurable time in their company - in an ongoing,
hopefully longtime relationship..
You SHOULD feel this desire for a special buddy - pal - friend
- or soul mate. It does not matter what you may CALL HIM - if
you want - "Prince Charming" is just fine. But of course
do not tell your wife or likely anyone else your are UP to meet
"Prince Charming". That's our little secret.
PUT THE WELCOME MAT OUT! Be sure there is room in your heart and
schedule for such a person. It takes time to make a friend and
to be a friend. What goes around comes around. If you stand up
a guy again and again or are always late or act like you don't
care it won't work.
START VISUALIZING time and space in your life and heart for a
such a special friend. This is not a "trick". This might
be like the big or little brother you never had but with a sex
kicker. It may be like an old army buddy or fraternity brother
with a sex kicker. When in the shower or on a commute or such
imagine what it could be like. Make sure the welcome mat is out
for such a SPECIAL FRIEND and pal. There must be room in your
heart and life.
STEP TWO: Where you can do so - discreetly and safely let
those you know and are close to you - KNOW that you are open to
a new male buddy and friend.
NO don't say you are looking for a good poke or great head - but
DO share that you are a tad lonely and would like to have a buddy
to go fishing with - or to go hunting or camping or hiking with.
An equal - someone to talk man to man.
OR maybe a gym buddy would help keep you motivated - or a jogging
partner - or a sailing buddy. Or someone to share the expenses
and driving to go hiking or camping or fishing or skiing. Be sure
to emphasize ACTIVITIES that your wife does NOT like to engage
in that you DO.
State your human yearning for some warm human - but male companionship.
MOST WOMEN have many girl friends.
MOST WOMEN realize men have more trouble making and keeping friends.
Let your wife KNOW you would like a buddy. Tell her quietly that
you have mulled over your last year or so and you realize you
need a buddy to just hang out with and do things with. ELIMINATE
her obvious picks of guys at work - as "I don't want to mix
business with the off hours!" or "All the
guys from work live too far away from us!" IF you just have
to - tell her you don't like a guy's vibes or he has had B.O.
just too many times - or whatever. Tell her you are looking for
a buddy and to keep her eyes open but discreetly reject her easy
target (unless hi is BI and your type!).
LET HER KNOW - you are looking and open to a new MALE BUDDY -
this way when you start "interviewing" candidates this
is no major surprise to her. Also the fact you are sharing BEFORE
your Prince comes will put you more at ease with it all as well.
He may in fact be a "walking marital aide". He may in
fact be the best thing that ever happened for her and to your
marriage. This remains to be seen. Get HER used to the idea as
well as you opening your heart and life to this guy.
Some wives may try to push you off to spend more time with the
kids! SMILE and agree with her but say you need an equal and a
man you can talk to as well. Also mention that if SHE likes him
- AND his wife - you guys can "double" and do trips
and/or evenings out on the town.
Some wives may try to push you into classes or volunteer work
- but brush that aside too. You want to find a new male buddy
you can share FUN WITH. That fun includes both sex and doing things
you and he both enjoy - in and out of the sack!
STEP THREE: Start now - it takes TIME!
Plan your campaign and strategize. Do NOT start a campaign to
meet a very special friend when you are overworked or stressed
out. Better to PLAN during such times and answer a few ADS from
other guys and "dabble" here and there.
BONE UP on our "A to Z" TIPS at: http://www.bimen.org/atoz.htm
There is a great deal of overlap - so HERE we are treating with
the very unique aspects of LOOKING and IN FINDING a very special
BI guy for you!
What are you looking for? Try to define what you are looking for.
Do not limit yourself but be sure to ascertain what are IN FACT
"deal-breakers" for you. If you can not stand smokers
- well get that out front. IF you do not want a gay guy - get
that set in your mind. Realize that the more "deal breakers"
you pile on - the more you are limiting your chances and prospects
for success - but NO REASON to waste your time or theirs on the
real "DEAL BREAKERS".
BE REALISTIC ABOUT YOURSELF.
We all feel and even act younger than our age. We all have rose-colored
shades on when it comes to our REAL LOOK. Without putting yourself
down - recognize your current limitations - and target men who
will be at ease with you and your situation. But also realize
that LOOKS are not the main priority with BI guys as opposed to
many gay men and some gals.
OK - you have strategized - you have an idea of what you are looking
for and what for sure you DO NOT WANT. You have made room in your
heart and mind for a new "special friend" in your life.
You have alerted family and friends that you are a tad lonely
and would like a buddy or two.
You have TIME to start looking and so now you do so.
STEP FOUR: You join the BI MEN local, statewide and regional
GROUPS for your home area (and anywhere you travel all the time).
You also join the SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS - that fit you - as
BI-MEN-DADS - and you join any of the new SPORTS Groups (see below)
here at BI MEN where you have a real and continuing interest in
Find them at: http://www.bimen.org
IF for example you live in or near ATLANTA, GA - join:
BI MEN ATLANTA
BI MEN GEORGIA
BI MEN SOUTH
You are a daddy and like daddies. add BI MEN DADS
Your are into boating, hiking and camping.
BI MEN CAMPING AND HIKING
BI MEN WATER SPORTS
You travel often to Myrtle Beach, SC. add BI MEN SOUTH CAROLINA
To cut down on emails - go to no mail or DIGEST on most of these
groups. That way you can post YOUR Intro to all of them but not
get too much email.
NOW dust off your Yahoo PROFILE - get it nice and spiffy
- go to Yahoo and EDIT your information there. If you have PG
PIC put it in your Yahoo PROFILE - but make sure your Yahoo PROFILE
is not XXX rated. Give your age, sex, and general location. Have
a discreet email address for them to reply to. List all your REAL
Join Yahoo INTERESTS groups for all areas you are interested in
and the BI and gay regional groups for your area. Some guys may
FIND YOU via your profile. Be sure you have a discreet email address
listed where you can be contacted. Make sure that box does NOT
Make sure your Yahoo PROFILE is current - updated - and presents
you in the best light possible. List all your interests that you'd
like to share with a special friend.
POST YOUR INTRODUCTION - once a week or so WHEN you have time
to reply to the E-mails and can meet guys. Send your INTRO to
all the BI MEN GROUPS that are in your area and have your special
interests. LIST your Yahoo PROFILE - the link in the body of your
INTRO. Give enough INFO so that a person who you want to meet
- has enough info to want to reply to you.
IF you spend 30 seconds posting a boring - "HI I am mwm 51
in So Calif. email me to meet" - who wants that?
Be sure to have your UPDATED Profile in your INTRODUCTION - so
they can click onto it. AS:
Your Yahoo ID
Put out as many ways to contact you discreetly as you can. IM
- voice mail - cell phone - certain hours of certain days - email
- if there may be a delay in your reply to guys - tell them. Clue
DO UNTO OTHERS as you'd want done.
Keep posting your INTRO 2-3 times a month when you are open to
meet guys and have the time and interest to do so.
IF it is too much work and you get tired TAKE A BREAK. Get back
to this quest when you are in the mood and have time. IN the interim
- dabble here and there - as often happens in life - love finds
you when you are NOT really looking for it.
BUT you are OPEN to it and the welcome mat is OUT and you have
ROOM for it.
STEP FIVE: To tell or not to tell that you are in fact
seeking a SPECIAL SOMEONE. If you are committed as say the CLOSED
LOOP guys are to finding just one guy to match your one gal in
a 2nd exclusive ongoing relationship - perhaps it is best to tell.
IF you might in time just ENJOY playing the field - or this is
all new to you - it is likely best to just leave this open.
ALL OF US are open to long-term situations. IF it happens it happens.
BUT early on you are better to just state you are seeking a "regular"
or ongoing buddy. Seeming too eager or desperate can scare away
some of the top candidates. Don't make it heavy - keep it light.
ALSO be HONEST about what kind of TIME you can give to them. IF
you can see a guy once a month that may not be enough for many
guys. If you can see a guy about once a week say so. If only once
a month say so.
IF you are MARRIED and PLAN to stay MARRIED or want to do so -
Do not get some gay guy screaming later you led him on or played
with his heart. IF you think a woman scorned can be a bitch -
don't find out about irate queens.
STEP SIX: SHARED INTERESTS are keys to an ongoing "special
friend". When you have both great sex and fun times out of
the rack with your buddy - all the better. By this time your wife
knows you love to play golf, or go sailing, or hike or go camping.
Concentrate on those areas SHE does not enjoy sharing with you
and avoid areas where you might be denying your younger children
You NEED a "cover" for your new male buddy or buddies.
Going out to sports events can be such a cover. Going out fishing
or hunting another. A jogging or workout partner or tennis match
are others. Concentrate on those areas WHERE SHE WILL WELCOME
you getting out of the house - i.e. to do some exercise; turn
the tv off; giving her the home to herself; whatever works for
her. Do NOT take from her - give to her - i.e. peace of mind that
you are getting some exercise and relaxing out of the home. Mention
again and again you want to make a FRIEND - about your age - an
equal - not from work - not a relative or family - not from church
- so on an so on. Let her get bored of hearing about it so when
you meet someone she is happy.
BUT look for someone with one or more shared interests. The more
- all the better. ALSO such a person with such interests who is
a guy about your age should by now BE NO BIG SURPRISE at home.
STEP SEVEN: You have posted your INTRODUCTIONS to all the
BI MEN Groups in your area and all the appropriate sports and
special interest groups - with you profile and with a good INTRO
you'd want to see and you would likely reply to yourself!
Also see our BI MEN WINNERS GUIDE for other spots to post an INTRO
and a PERSONAL AD. Get the word out there! IF a few months go
by with no luck then widen your search with Sexy Ads and Craig's
List ads and prowl chat rooms too!
Your Yahoo PROFILE is posted and has current contact info. Your
email box is not clogged and bouncing. You can be easily reached
where and when you state. OK! DO take time to answer your
emails. Some emails are NOT worthy of a reply. IF they are not
responsive to your Intro
ignore. IF someone sounds good reply.
Promptness counts! If you are BUSY BUSY BUSY with work or such
at least reply - "SOUNDS GREAT - I am very interested - but
on a tight deadline at work. Bear with me! Back with you ASAP."
Get a dialogue going - share - and then chat - then meet. See
the BI MEN "A to Z" Guide on these particulars.
STEP EIGHT: Start "interviewing" candidates -
one at a time. Your WIFE knows you are looking for such a new
buddy. IF you are a golfer and would be going out anyway - include
him. IF you don't have time - meet for a drink or for a cup of
Get yourself and your family used to the idea that you are
"INTERVIEWING" candidates for this position as your
new friend. Take it slow and easy. If sex happens it happens.
It if was good and
he has some promise - meet again.
KEEP INTERVIEWING until you "know".
STEP NINE: Even if you take a month off now and then due
to WORK - or Family Summer
Vacations - or whatever - keep at it.
Do not let this grind to a halt. Do not CRAWL back in to your
Even if you redecorate that rut it will be the same old rut -
served up again!
BEST to keep this in motion. IF you stop again - you will soon
come to a full stop and it could lead you to DANGEROUS ACTIVITIES
- as bookstore or public sex, an arrest, or hustlers and muggers
who prey on lonely, horny old farts!
Even if you end up interviewing a 100 MEN in the next TEN years
and have casual sex with half of them and NEVER find one special
BI guy - sure beats that!
STEP TEN: FINALLY - one month, one year or one decade later
you have met HIM - the
special BI guy! GREAT! Whether to bring him into your circle of
family and friends should be a long and drawn-out process. BEST
at the beginning to keep any and all contacts with your family
and friends very brief. Be the TEENAGE GIRL with the rude boyfriend
who honks for her.
You do not want your WIFE and FAMILY see you or HIM acting like
giddy teenage girls with new vibrators. ALSO if it does not work
out - long-term - you want to avoid any discussions of what happened
to so and so.
ALSO you need to get used to HIM and grow at ease and comfortable
with HIM one on one in neutral settings OUTSIDE your home and
family and friends. Let the natural EXCITEMENT die down before
you bring the family into play. AND openly discuss it at length
with him before you do so. Remind one another of things
you must avoid. Most wives will not cotton to a husband's buddy
called: "Honey Buns" in her presence. Holding hands
is not a good idea either.
Getting the wives and families involved is a long-term matter.
IT is also best if perhaps with time you can DOUBLE DATE so the
two women are busy with one another and NOT just your wife or
his wife with full attention on the men.
IF IT TURNS OUT that your wife and family NEVER KNOW ABOUT or
MEET your special BI guy - that is fine too.
STEP ELEVEN: OKAY _ your first choice was another bisexual
guy - maybe married - maybe
single or divorced and it is six, nine months later and THAT has
Are you meeting enough guys to go ahead and continue with a BI
GUY SEARCH or is it time to consider a gay guy???
QUICK SEX with gay guys is easy enough and easily found - but
to have an ongoing relationship with a gay guy can be very tricky.
SOMETIMES you must be as careful dating a gay guy as you would
be with another woman.
Be completely honest with anyone you meet BI or gay male in this
search. IF you are married and want to stay that way - SAY SO.
If your marriage is in trouble - say so. DO not lead anyone on
or give anyone false hopes.
Some gay guys are fine with BI men.
BUT do not be upset if you find out that he in turn may have a
stable of married men. The best gay men for BI married men are
just those types - who will let you go your way - let you come
and go - and enjoy you when and if they get to see you.
BUT - if your search has gone on for NINE MONTHS or longer with
no BI guy in sight - widen the search - either geographically
(willing to travel) - or include gay men - or both.
STEP TWELVE: OK. Nine months or a year later - whatever
it took - hopefully you were
lucky and it took only a month or so - YOU'VE MET THE SPECIAL
Great. Make it special and keep it special. IF you made the mistake
of not paying attention to your wife and her needs - DON'T DARE
DO IT AGAIN HERE!
Each relationship has its own dynamics but make him feel special
- keep it going - don't take him for granted. Meet his needs or
someone else will.
GUYS are different. We need variety. With time you may want to
consider adding a buddy here or there. Maybe a one time thing
- maybe a repeat. Be open to this. You are FIRST and so is
he - but a little variety might be nice. THREESOMES can be fun
STEP THIRTEEN: Further down the road - you may want to
get a small group of BI guys together for a WEEKEND of CAMPING.
You may want to get a poker group together. You and your MAIN
MAN could become the focus for BI guys in your area. This is all
well and good and will keep many BI men happy. Consider it as
a possible NATURAL PROGRESSION. We need DEN FATHERS at the BI
Men! IF it happens - it happens. Let it happen.
STEP FOURTEEN: What if you have tried all this for say
nine months and YOU have not met a special guy? Are you happy
playing the field? Do you still hunger for a special buddy? Some
guys ENJOY THE CHASE! Are you one of those - if so - enjoy the
chase! Keep going at it - and just enjoy the chase. IF NOT WIDEN
THE SEARCH. Each month - do some "WILD" thing to get
the word out there - beyond this ongoing BI MEN program.
IF you are a GOLFER - put out an ad or notice - MWM mid 40's seeking
a regular buddy for golfing, good times and companionship. Once
a month post this AD or NOTICE in some public venue. You may be
surprised at the response.
Just using MWM will tip off BI guys that you may be in play. IF
you are Black - MBM - or put it out in full: Married White Male
or Married Black Male or Married Latino Male.
YOUR WIFE and family know you are looking for a buddy and have
been doing so for a long time now. They do not need to know about
these ADS or NOTICES.
Scout around for places to put such ADS or NOTICES - as Bulletin
Boards at the Golf Club - or Church - or whatever. Consider local
papers - especially the "Alternative Papers". NOT gay
rags of course.
THIS WILL REQUIRE YOU TO BE MORE CAREFUL in your first chats and
meetings but you may find a great guy!
KEEP TRYING a new AD or POSTING each month. Realize that if you
live in a remote and thinly populated area it may take some time.
STEP FIFTEEN: IF this has failed in your HOME AREA - then
you must live in some remote area. You will need to broaden
your search to a larger city or populated area that you visit
regularly or which you could get to once a month for such a special
Keep searching in YOUR area - but widen the search to a better,
nearby target area.
STEP SIXTEEN: WHEN and IF it is ever time to move on! DO
SO! This is NOT a marriage. IF the time comes to move on - do
so. Try to stay friends or friendly. Or as indicated let the one
on one relationship evolve into a threesome here and there - or
you and he become DEN FATHERS to a group of BI MEN SCOUTS in your
Your relationships with MEN will not mirror those with your WIFE.
I myself do not believe in the CLOSED LOOP model. It may work
for a chosen few.
Don't kid yourself. MEN are ANIMALS and they like a little variety.
One guy and one woman may not be enough for you. Or maybe it got
stale - or the sex went bad or whatever. Move on - but hopefully
that is YEARS ahead.
SO get moving. The QUEST starts with but a single step - get moving!
to start the New Year right we now have TEN spanking new
SPORTS INTEREST GROUPS for the BI MEN:
GROUPS are to help YOU make new friends and have a discreet, workable
cover for safe, secure BI Men friendships.
Join the BI MEN Groups that service the men in your local area,
state and region as well as any special interest groups.
HAPPY HUNTING - enjoy the chase!
Hugs and Best Wishes,
Stewart ("Mac") McCloud
Founder and Moderator
The BI MEN NETWORK
Classy Bisexual Erotica