the past decade here - we have had millions and millions of adult men pass through
our own Bi MEN NETWORK. Many of these men were and are just a tad bi-curious or
merely experimenting. But many of the men that come our way are indeed wrestling
with "coming out" as fully bisexual or as actual gay men.
may yourself just be a bi-curious guy - or experimenting with expanding your sexual
horizons - or you may well be in the early stages of "coming out" -
first to yourself - and then maybe over time to others. Or like many here you
may have come to accept yourself as a bi man or gay male and prefer to keep this
Coming out - as the GLBTQ mainstream community tends to
call it - is both challenging and very exciting whether you are 16 or 60 or somewhere
in between! It can also be a bit scary and often more scary in that you may have
no one you are at ease discussing these "coming out" concerns, issues
and fears with. This may be especially true if you are not living on the West
Coast or in the DC to Boston corridor or on one of the islands of "enlightenment"
between both coasts of North America.
At any age - at any stage of life
- exploring your own human sexuality requires introspection, self-awareness, and
often brutal honesty. This can be a lot of hard work but it can also be a lot
of fun too! Ignorance may indeed be bliss - but once you have opened that closet
door there is really no going back - at least for yourself. Don't kid yourself.
Yes - do give yourself time - forgive yourself if you find you need to do so -
but slowly yet surely move on to accepting yourself as a fully sexual being with
needs, wants and desires that might not be to the liking of your family, friends,
Like snowflakes - we are all unique. Your personal needs,
your wants, your desires are uniquely your own. Different strokes for different
folks - indeed. Your "coming out" or your coming into your own as a
uniquely sexual being is your own path. While you may meet fellow travelers on
your path it is ultimately a lonely QUEST seeking greater self-understanding,
self-forgiveness - and self-love. It is different for each and every one of us.
It is good to talk with others, get their input, hear about their experiences
but NO ONE - NO ONE - PERIOD - no matter who they are - can or should tell you
or decide for YOU what is your personal - your very own - sexual orientation.
That is your choice.
This may take a long time - and to your own amazement
or amusement - it may change over time. It may change back and forth. Or you may
be on a progression - straight - bisexual - then gay. BUT - human sexuality is
very fluid - you may be a top one year and a bottom the next - you may be straight
one year and gay the next. You may be asexual for a decade and then wake up ready
to make up for lost time! But SEX is fun - and exploring your own sexuality should
be both real fun and very exciting.
These are just some of the issues
that we discuss and explore at our Bi Men Network. We have many resources on our
website: including but not limited to these: Find the Bi 101 info at: www.bimen.org/Bi101.htm
- and find the 10 Types of Bi Men - a fun, humorous look at the different types
of straight bi men, bi bi men, gay bi men: www.bimen.org/10types.htm
and some of our other bi-themed essays at: www.bimen.org/wednesday.htm
There are frankly NOT ENOUGH "coming out" resources for
bisexual men and bi-curious men. BUT truth is truth and many of the gay "coming
out" resources and materials are worthwhile - and it could be that you are
grappling with coming out as a gay man. Good "coming out" resources